I just got off the phone with my sister. Happy and elated at the fact that the school year had once again begun for her kids, she was setting off for a fun time with a girlfriend, hanging out and getting pedicures. As I hung up the phone with her, I was hit with the reality that in a few years, this will probably be how I view MY kids going to school. It is dramatically different from how I feel right now.
Noah starts preschool tomorrow and I am sad for the little man he is becoming. He is beyond excited about going and can't wait to be a 'big boy' and go to school like all his older cousins. And here I am...sad, overwhelmed, and frankly, worried about what obstacles he'll encounter when he goes. Grades? No worries...he's sometimes too smart for his age and asks the really hard questions that require harder answers for his four years. He'll probably never struggle academically. Will he be a leader in the group? My Noah? Probably not. Will he be the one that always gets left out? Oh, God...please, not that. Will he fall somewhere in the middle and face the possibility of being forgotten? Hhhmmm...I don't know. I think he's pretty unforgetable, but will anyone else? My husband always tells me that I worry too much about this stuff...but your self-esteem and feeling of self-worth is, in my opinion, the biggest obstacle you'll face when making the choice between good and bad decisions.
So, yes...my sister is loving her freedom found in the beginning of a new school year...and I'm dreading the freedom Noah will find. But I suppose he can't learn to fly if I never allow him to let go. Please tell me this gets easier with each child because at this rate, they're gonna have to put me in the looney bin in the 'psycho mommy' ward!
But this is the cycle, the wheel of our relationship, that Noah and I do. If I think he's ready for something that he doesn't want to do...I insist. If he feels he's ready for something I suggest, my initial reaction is to renig on my offer. It's not fair, I know, it's just hard to let go.
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Ugh...I don't even like thinking of the possibility that it's going to happen to us someday...not too far away (and it will...someday!).
Tea started today at Northside. She loved it. She is two and a half and ready for a classroom environment. She seemed thrilled to be there, but it is always hard for mommies. I will tell you it gets easier. They come home for lunch and time with us. It is great to be a mom.
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